The End of Everything...

As I've mentioned I like watching shows about our Universe, wish I would have gone into physics that's my one and only real educational regret.  I was very good at math and loved science with a passion, still do.

My family was great and placed a high value on education, but it wasn't an educationally based family.  I don't know what one is like but I think parents with higher education would instill a competitive nature in their children concerning education and teach them to structure that into their life, basic things that are key to education like the hours of study time it takes.

I never studied till I got to college, study what's that?

Oh well the point of this story is what happened to me about two weeks ago.  It was very strange.

I have sleep apnea but haven't had an episode like what happened a few weeks ago, at least that's what I think happened. 

Out of a dead sleep I heard a pop or a bang, it was like a long ways off it seemed like a transformer that blew but was further away and more powerful.  Immediately the bizarre thought hit me this is the end of the Universe, everything.

That scared me, I opened my eyes and it was pitch black total nothingness.  Scientists think that some invisible dark gravity has grown so powerful that one day it will simply tear all the molecules in the universe apart.  What a hellish way for it all to end.

In not much more than an instant I wondered how would I know it was the end of the universe, I fought to open my eyes and look at the clock, I did and it was still pitch black.  OK but I'm still thinking it can't be, breathe ....  breathe ....

My throat was collapsed, I gasped then it opened and I heard that sound like someone gasping for air who narrowly escaped drowning.  In that same moment I could see, the clock was on no transformer blew or the power would be out in my neighborhood.

Maybe one blew on a street nearby. 

I am not sure what happened to me that night but I'm convinced that it gave me a glimpse of what the end of everything would be like.

One minute you are there, the next perhaps a pop maybe not even that, but if goes from everything to nothing, total darkness, no warning nothing, in an instant. 

This wasn't a pleasant thing that's for sure but fortunately a strong feeling came over me, it was very comforting.  The thought that hit me said it will probably happen that way but not in my life time.

So I went back to sleep in the near pitch black of my bed room. 

Further thought as the days pass from the experience I will never understand, I did call a VA nurse to write a note to the doctor, she said she didn't know what to report!  Too funny...

I am always thinking or perhaps hoping that we will survive, somehow.  Its been a theory I've heard for a while now that highly developed civilizations will move away from Galactic chaos and live on the outskirts of Galaxies in safer more controllable environments. 

I'd think they might want to be on the edge of our Universe if that's possible.  But then again where does any society, any higher form of intelligence go after a very long term.  Think of what we would become after a billion years?  Without major setbacks to the progressions of the sciences and technology. 

Where do they go, what do they become, after very long periods of time what would the driving force be?  If they began to live for a very long time wouldn't boredom become a factor, oh they'd probably have the boredom gene wiped out. 

I wish the human race well.  Hope it continues, where it goes will be our legacy if we are fortunate enough to get that far.

96-year-old Velda Bennett of Eustis...

Velda Bennett update.

She's paid her house taxes so she's good to go.  In case this is your first time reading this Velda lives in Eustis, she's 96 years old and still mows her own yard and drives her own car.

Caught up with Velda a couple of weeks ago, before she didn't know how she was going to pay her $1,700 property taxes and thought she may have to sell her home.

Velda said, "It's like giving up."

But fortunately it didn't come to that.  Velda said she's going to put a little away each month for next year.

"My kids wouldn't help me after all I've done for them,"  Velda stated.  "I asked them if they could just send me a little each month, they said 'we're on a budget'."

Velda said there were times all she had was coffee and bread.

But the four-foot ten-inch gal just bursting with life said, "That's OK.  I'm going to meet our maker before they will.  When I get up there I'm going to tell Him how they've been treating me.  He'll take care of them!"

Oh the American spirit, you want a prime example of it just go talk to Velda Bennett it just doesn't get any better than that old gal...

Movies That Don't Suck

Movies has been a part of my life, there is nothing like going to a theater and watching one although that is something I don't do any more. Started renting them now wait for them to come out on TV.

Felt movies were the major art form of the 20th century. Nothing like the portrayal of a darn good story on film. Here is a list of those movies I've enjoyed and can watch over and over again. Wish they'd show these over and over again, several of them they do.

Movies has been a part of my life, there is nothing like going to a theater and watching one although that is something I don't do any more. Started renting them now wait for them to come out on TV.
Felt movies were the major art form of the 20th century. Nothing like the portrayal of a darn good story on film. Here is a list of those movies I've enjoyed and can watch over and over again. Wish they'd show these over and over again, several of them they do.



List updated March 11, 2011 from suggestions from GatorCountry forums
Alien – All (first was best)
As Good as it Gets
Ben-Hur
Big
Caddyshack
Chinatown
Clockwork Orange
Cool Hand Luke
Dances with Wolves
Das Boot
Deer Hunter
Die Hard – All (first was best)
Dr. Strangelove
El Cid
ET
Excalibur
Eyes Wide Shut
Forbidden Planet (trend setting movie)
Forest Gump
Four Weddings and a Funeral
French Connection
Fugitive
Gandhi
Gladiator (2000)
Godfather (I&II)
Independence Day
It’s a Wonderful Life
L.A. Confidential
Lawrence of Arabia
Lord of the Rings - All
Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Mash
Midnight Cowboy
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Mrs Doughtfire
Mutiny on the Bounty (1962)
Network
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Patton
Platoon
Pulp Fiction
Pulse
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Renegade (2004)
Road Warrior
Rocky
Saving Private Ryan
Scarface
Seven or Se7en
Shawshank Redemption
Silence of the Lambs
Silent Hill
Sleepless in Seattle
Spartacus
Soylent Green
Stargate
Star Wars - All (first was best)
Stay Alive
Taxi Driver
The African Queen
The Deer Hunter
The Exorcist
The Graduate
The Matrix
The Outlaw Josie Wales
Tootsie
Tremors
Underworld: Evolution
Unforgiven (1992)
Usual Suspects
Wall Street
12 Angry Men
1984
2001 a Space Oddyssey
5th Element

List updated March 11, 2011 from suggestions from GatorCountry forums

Alien – All (first was best)
As Good as it Gets
Ben-Hur
Big
Caddyshack
Chinatown
Clockwork Orange
Cool Hand Luke
Dances with Wolves
Das Boot
Deer Hunter
Die Hard – All (first was best)
Dr. Strangelove
El Cid
ET
Excalibur
Eyes Wide Shut
Forbidden Planet (trend setting movie)
Forest Gump
Four Weddings and a Funeral
French Connection
Fugitive
Gandhi
Gladiator (2000)
Godfather (I&II)
Independence Day
It’s a Wonderful Life
L.A. Confidential
Lawrence of Arabia
Lord of the Rings - All
Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Mash
Midnight Cowboy
Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Mrs Doughtfire
Mutiny on the Bounty (1962)
Network
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
Patton
Platoon
Pulp Fiction
Pulse
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Renegade (2004)
Road Warrior
Rocky
Saving Private Ryan
Scarface
Seven or Se7en
Shawshank Redemption
Silence of the Lambs
Silent Hill
Sleepless in Seattle
Spartacus
Soylent Green
Stargate
Star Wars - All (first was best)
Stay Alive
Taxi Driver
The African Queen
The Deer Hunter
The Exorcist
The Graduate
The Matrix
The Outlaw Josie Wales
Tootsie
Tremors
Underworld: Evolution
Unforgiven (1992)
Usual Suspects
Wall Street
12 Angry Men
1984
2001 a Space Oddyssey
5th Element
(Hey it's the off season. Have one post that's going up sometime tomorrow that has blocked this man for a week and Swampie doesn't have any idea why? Its not that big a deal...)

96-year-old Velda Bennett

Velda Bennett lives in Eustis, she's 96 years old and still mows her own yard and drives her own car.

Velda Bennett likes to live in her home on Center Street the same block that's dominated by the Catholic Church.

But she doesn't have the $1,700 to pay her property taxes and may have to sell her home.

Velda said, "It's like giving up."

And that's something she doesn't want to do.

Need to start a fund for this little lady, she's bright as an evening star and every inch of her four-foot ten-inch frame is just teaming with spirit.

There must be something we can do for her.

One of the Best Things in My Life....

I think of myself as a blessed man.

The Good Lord has blessed me...
- He brought me into a loving family and gave me the best mother and father anyone could possibly hope for...
- He gave me the gift of soberity and a second chance to grow up.
- He put me in a position to help others...

I needed help in quitting drinking, I didn't drink everyday but when I did I couldn't stop myself. I got into all sorts of trouble I'd never get into sober. Thank God there came that day when I had enough and was led to the best place for me to get help.

I ended up going to self help groups and a meeting called YANA - the You Are Not Alone group that met three times a week. We'd meet then after we'd go out and drink even more coffee. The group was comprised of a base of about six old timers.

The meeting after the meeting was at a local Pizza Hut. There was the small talk and a lot of bonding. A few times I heard talk of how they thought about getting their own place for years most groups like this rent a room from a church for an evening.

Anyway the word got out that the church we had been using asked us to look for a new place they were in need of the space.

Anyway I often went to the first little tiny strip maul in Eustis, it began as a grocery store with five small store fronts to the side. But the store had long since moved away.

It was next to the Bay Street Baptist Church and had a popular Casa Manyata/Hay Stack restaurant taking two of the store fronts (yes the restaurant had two names! LOL - hey it's Eustis). I often got a beef burrito to go at lunch I was in the construction business.

Beside the two name restaurant there was a rental that had just closed, it was a paint shop. That day I noticed the phone number on it to call to see about renting it.

I wrote it down, as I said that group was looking for somewhere else to land.

So I called.

I think they wanted something like 500 to 550 a month. I said there is no way we could pay that. The man asked what we wanted it for.

I said as a self help meeting place. The blessing was in progress it's just that this man had no idea what he had been led too. I found out later the man I was talking too was the owner of the building he said let me get back to you and got my phone number.

He talked to the church and the church wanted us in. When he called back he said the church considered us missionary work.

Then he told me his story that makes my eyes tear to this day.

He told me his father was an alcoholic and had gotten sober in the self help groups, after about seven years his father began relying on the church but his family was eternally grateful to those groups because his father led a blessed life until his death.

They wanted us in...

I told the old times of the YANA group, their jaws dropped, what they kicked around for years had been removed from their topic list but the new guy. I've always been a risk taker so my brother says, my mom and a football coach taught me to give it a try and not fear failure, just do your best.

Well another man jumped in Bob S. and between the two of us we got 20 people to give 50 bucks each, we raised a 1,000 bucks, got the power turned on, water and rent. It was funny as heck people brought in their old furniture, the first thing was a card table, two folding chairs and a coffee pot.

Soon it looked like stuff a Good Will store would turn their back on. Broken down easy chairs, sofas that required the jaws of life to get out of. We loved it.

I paid the bills and collected the money for about six months, a Women's group came in and joined us at the beginning later others joined.

Anyway this man soon stepped aside, I said to myself if this is God's will I have to let it go, it's a very hard thing to accept that you can step back and things can just thrive.

Within two years I heard two people arguing about something concerning the club, I asked what was going on it was about money. Seems they needed something but didn't want to touch the two one-thousand-dollar bonds they had purchased at the bank.

My eyes watered,it was going to be fine. The moved from that spot after several years to Tavares on 441, then back to downtown Eustis over Mary Gardners Jewelers or right next to over it and then to 802 South Bay Street or 804, where it's been for at least 10 years I think.

They had grown to at least one meeting every night, 5:30 happy hour meetings, eye opener and noon meetings. The people there don't even know who started it anymore and that's OK, all I did was call or I like to believe it was all set up by Someone above?

My Brush with a Serial Killer

What a dramatic title, but for the most part it's untrue.  I had a brush with a person who was a perfect candidate to become a serial killer.

My story is frightening and caused an epiphany.

Tommy Lynn Sells killed over 70 people...

Worked as a detox counselor nearly 20 years ago, I only had an AA degree and was going back to college to get a BA in psychology but had just started.  We were responsible for doing consults they weren't that difficult.

You would go and talk with a person and find out about their alcohol or drug background.  You'd try and gauge how forthcoming they were with private information, some were very eager and told you what you needed to know.  If you found three or more symptoms they could be documented and offered for a conclusion of an abuser, five or more either an addict or alcoholic depending on the substance.

It really wasn't that difficult.

Anyway this was one of my first consults, my partner a workhorse and great friend was there longer than I and let me take this one, maybe she heard something I don't know.

You have to realize I have learned so much since this event and it taught me just how much I didn't know.  It taught me how dangerous people can be who don't really know what they are doing in a professional setting.

The client was classic, almost 30, white male, very intelligent, six-foot, 195 pounds very well built, handsome but was balding back to front.  He was extremely angry yet afraid of what he might do, he was guilt ridden.  His anger was directed at women and was having problems dealing with them, he wanted to kill his mother.  He had been in bar fights so he was already acting on his impulses.

Tedd Bundy killed at least 35 women.

I didn't put it together, he really didn't have the symptoms of substance abuse.  I took some time and counseled him on his guilt.   It seemed to help him some, talked about being human, forgiving himself that sort of thing.

There were three people at the staff meeting on this patient, myself, this young woman I had no respect for and an older woman the senior counselor in the facility an MA with 20+ years of experience. I felt she knew what she was talking about.

She hardly talked with me, for some reason people thought that other young woman was an up and comer, I thought she didn't know what the hell she was talking about but she looked like administrative material. She got pushed into the director of the hospital, she was the perfect example of the Peter Principal, she only remained at that position for less than four months before they fired her or demoted her I can't recall which, she was over her head.

With that said, that senior counselor's view that day hit this man in a powerful way. She went over this young man's issues, his profile, everything and asked the gal what she was looking at.

The gal didn't know she was always on empty.

Anyway the senior counselor said, "what we have here is a serial killer, once he gets over his guilt he will start killing."

She went on to say to airhead to spend as much time talking with him as she could because she'd learn a lot. There were lots of windows in that facility and the next week or so I often saw he sitting back like she was on top of the world talking to this troubled man. She wasn't trying to help him just milking him for her own glory, her body posture just made me ill.

But not as ill as I was when I realized at that meeting that I did exactly the opposite of what he needed. I didn't tell them they didn't ask me. But I should have jumped up and said you'd DAM RIGHT to feel GUILTY, DAMMIT MAN you want to KILL YOUR MOTHER!

I should have driven that guilt even further and demanded that he will become accountable for his actions but I didn't know what I was doing either. I was acting like a professional counselor just gathering information and allowing the shrinks to do the heavy work, that was my job. Many said I was very professional acting and everyone makes mistakes.

Looking back at what I can remember the list below are in descending order of importance as far as symptoms of a serial killer...

Bed Wetting - am sure he suffered from them when a child - this can indicate some sort of extreme emotional duress
Rebelliousness - absolutely - evidenced by his feelings toward family and mother
Nightmares - absolutely - comprised of wanting to kill his mother
Destroying Property - yes - in fits of anger
Fire Setting - didn't know
Stealing - not sure
Cruelty to Children - didn't know
Poor Body Image - had too, he was balding and felt horrible about himself
Temper Tantrums - absolutely - bar fights
Sleep Problems - absolutely - see above nightmares
Assaultive to Adults - ABSOLUTELY - was getting in bar fights
Phobias - ABSOLUTELY - feared himself, what he might do, what he could do
Cruelty to Animals - don't know
Accident Prone - don't know
Headaches - absolutely

Serial killers are sexual based from an Aileen Wuornos turbulent life based on sex, anger and revenge, to Ted Bundy's drive for power from a life of rejection driving him to necrophilia.

Bundy didn't wake up a serial killer, from what I've seen about his life he had to cross that threshold becoming empowered with a brutal attack on a woman clubbing her from behind. To me I believe that's when he crossed the line.

Gary Ridgeway the Green River Killer...

Gary Ridgeway the "Green River Killer" killed at least 48 women in Washington. Had issues bed wetting then being bathed right after by his mother wearing only a untied robe. At 16 he stabbed a six-year old boy and laughed about it after. The boy survived but this indicated the sociopath behavior.

What was interesting about Ridgeway is he was able to kill so many women, fly under the radar for so long all this with an IQ of 82. He was so unremarkable that he didn't call attention to himself. He became a true psychopath as described by Wikipedia -

Psychopathy - an abnormal lack of empathy combined with strongly amoral conduct but masked by an ability to appear outwardly normal

There is no way I could kill someone for no good reason, the guilt would destroy me, the fear of getting caught for it would be equally devastating. A war time situation, sure, or defending my own life this man could do that like so many others could and would do faced with those circumstances. Take Bin Laden's life, probably without much remorse at all.

But to do and act the way these guys did, they are a completely different breed and thankfully they are very very rare. Sure there are more of them than any of us would like, and the odds of the young man mentioned above as actually becoming a serial killer are most likely very low. Many will have his symptoms and go through life without acting on them.

Think they catch serial killers a lot faster these days so much has been learned about them. Anyway this was my experience with them.

This is Just Beautiful

Animals really do love their capacity for it is as great as the human race, at last to that level if not beyond.